Don’t Ditch Your Friends!

You’re really excited about your new relationship and can’t wait to spend every minute with that special someone - and that’s great! You should want to spend a lot of time with them - otherwise, it’d be a crazy reason to even start dating! I’ve seen relationships that seem to be successful, but in reality they are desperately missing something that is crucial in all relationships -friends.

You’d be shocked to see the impact that your friends can have on you. In my personal relationship, my fiance and I make sure that we always spend a lot of time with our friends. To illustrate this point, the two of us did not have a single meal alone for an entire week once we got back to college. That’s right - a week! Why is this? Because we value our relationships with all of our friends and love spending time with them. Don’t get me wrong, we still find times to be alone to simply be together, but the majority of the time (probably around 85%) we are together we spend with our friends.

Perhaps you’ve seen couples that have great friends before they start dating and then apparently only have each other to talk to six months into their relationship. They feel that they have to put all their time and energy into their relationship and thus don’t have time for friends. If you believe that spending all your time with your boyfriend/girlfriend is a great idea, ask yourself what will  happen if the two of you break up? Will you have no friends and have to start all over in the social world?

I cannot stress the importance of friends in relationships. A great purpose that your friends have is that they can give you a “reality check.” As a youth director, kids constantly come running up to me telling me that they have started a new relationship. Usually the next sentence that comes out of their mouth is that “we think we are going to get married.” Are you kidding me?! Married?! You have been dating for a whopping 7 minutes at this point! Chances are that if a kid believes that the two of them are going to get married they have unrealistic expectations and typically are disappointed in a few months when they break up. In most of these situations (there are exceptions - I have friends who started dating in high school and are now happily married), it’s great to have friends in your life to ensure that the two of you stay realistic.  

In terms of Christian dating, friends are a GREAT way to keep the two of you accountable. If you are a guy, try and get another guy in a Christian relationship and keep each other accountable. The same goes for a girl - get a girl who you feel comfortable talking to. Join Bible studies with other couples and then talk about what you thought of the discussion after the meeting.

Along with keeping you and your boyfriend/girlfriend accountable, having friends around can decrease sexual temptation immensely. If you are constantly around friends, it will be much harder to commit sexual sin as a general rule. Satan has a way to throw temptation at you when you least expect it so make sure that you have friends around you! 

Another great reason for your friends to be close to you is so you can retain your intersts outside of your relationship. I have a huge interest in the area of finance while my fiance does not care much for financial concepts such as opportunity cost and P/E ratios. Before we started dating, I had a great set of friends that also had a strong interest in the study of finance. I am in a great situation currently that allows friends and I to meet twice a week for lunch to talk about the “business world” and other topics regarding finance.  Likewise, my fiance meets with her friends to discuss whatever it is women find to talk about for hours on end.

Finally, make sure you don’t “ditch your friends” when you start dating simply because your relationship will be more fun. My fiance and I LOVE playing board games with our friends and typically end up crying because we are laughing so hard! You can always invite your friends to go to dinner with you or even just to come over and watch a movie!

Bottom line - don’t ditch your friends! You’ll be glad you didn’t when you want to do something that your boyfriend/girlfriend has no interest in or just want a group of friends to spend time with!

10 Great ‘Cheap Date’ Ideas

Most of us don’t have financial freedom when it comes to dates and that’s OK!! Fortunately, there are many ideas out there that can help you still have a great time and not deplete your bank account. I remember when I first started dating, I thought you had to spend a lot of money and go to fancy places to have a great time. Now, my philosophy is completely different. My fiance and I tend to have the most fun when we are doing things that cost little or no money. And no, we’re not having fun simply because we know that we’re not spending money! Instead, we’re having fun because we enjoy spending time with each other - not because we’re at a fancy restaurant or at an expensive concert!

Here is a list of some cheap date ideas. Most of these dates cost little or no money at all. Whether you have been dating for 5 days or 5 years, these can be applied at any point in your relationship!

1. Go on a picnic  - That’s right - a traditional hit with couples far and wide. I’ll admit, I’m not a huge fan of being outside while eating (I’d much rather eat at a restaurant or in the comfort of my own home), but I love going on picnics with my fiance. If you already have a picnic basket, all you need to do is find stuff around your house to fill it with. If you don’t have a picnic basket, get creative! Use something that is unique such as a cooler or even a cardboard box! Total Cost - Less than $10.
2. Go walk around a park - I can almost guarantee that no matter where you live, there are great parks to walk around in. Most parks have walking trails where you can spend hours with that special someone while still enjoying God’s Creation! Total Cost - Usually Free
3. Go to your mall’s food court - If I’m ever on a website with a list, I usually scroll down and see if anything  in bold print pops out at me. If I was to apply that concept on this post, this would definitely be the one that catches my attention. I know you’re thinking that simply going to the mall just for the food court sounds bizarre, but this has honestly become one of my favorite things that my fiance and I do. We love doing this so much that we typically go once every two weeks! The great thing about a food court is that there are a ton of options to choose from so you are not constrained to a single type of food if the two of you are very different (this is the case in my relationship). If you’ve never tried this I highly suggest this if you want to go out and try something unique. Total Cost - Around $10.
4. Go and volunteer somewhere - One of the greatest things you can do with your boyfriend/girlfriend is to serve. I have been on mission trips with my fiance and have loved the time that we got to spend serving people other than ourselves. If you can’t go on a mission trip, consider volunteering at a food bank. After you volunteer make sure you talk through your experience! Total Cost - Usually Free
5. Watch a movie that both of you have already seen - I am a HUGE fan of funny movies. I laugh extremely hard at them. I’ve actually been told by a number of people that sometimes it’s better to watch me than the movie itself. The benefit of watching a movie that you have already seen is that you can comment through the entire movie and not have to worry about ruining the end for the other person. If you want to throw a twist into this one (and have a ton of time), watch all the movies of a particular series (for example, all three of the Indiana Jones movies or all six of the Star Wars movies). Total Cost - Usually Free (around $5 if you rent it).
6. Go to an open field and watch the clouds - Clearly this works best on a sunny day where there isn’t rain pouring down all around the two of you. My fiance and I like to call this concept the “cloud game.” The way it works is that you look up to the sky and point out shapes that you think the cloud looks like. Don’t limit yourselves to shapes! You can point out animals, activities or even people - just use your imagination! Total Cost - Free
7. Put together a puzzle - A great way to see how much patience you have with your boyfriend/girlfriend is to complete a puzzle together. You’ll be amazed at how long it actually takes to put together 500 pieces that all look the same. Since it is somewhat of a mindless activity, you can have great conversations about a variety of topics! Total Cost - About $10
8. Go for a drive - Yes, I realize that gas prices are sky high right now, but if the two of you ever get the chance, take a drive to a place you rarely go. You can go and look at Christmas lights (obviously this one would be tough to do in June), see the leaves change on trees, explore a new town or even just admire God’s Creation in the countryside. Total Cost - Less than $10 for gas
9. Go to a museum - Going to a museum gives the two of you a great chance to talk about a certain topic. There are art museums, history museums, science museums and even medical museums. Do some reseach and find one that interests the two of you! Total Cost - Less than $20 (Some are open free to the public)
10. Watch a sunset or sunrise - You want a great opportunity to do a devotional on a date? Well it doesn’t get much better than witnessing what God can do! Do your reseach about when the sun will set (or rise) and be sure to get there an hour before it actually happens so you can see the whole process. If you have a lot of time, you can always look at the stars after you watch a sunset - that also is amazing to look at! Total Cost - Free

I hope that you found these ideas to be insightful and helpful. As always, if you have any stories or suggestions, leave a comment and I’ll be happy to address it in a future post if it’s appropriate. Remeber to keep God at the center of your relationship!

10 Great ‘Cheap Date’ Ideas

Most of us don’t have financial freedom when it comes to dates and that’s OK!! Fortunately, there are many ideas out there that can help you still have a great time and not deplete your bank account. I remember when I first started dating, I thought you had to spend a lot of money and go to fancy places to have a great time. Now, my philosophy is completely different. My fiance and I tend to have the most fun when we are doing things that cost little or no money. And no, we’re not having fun simply because we know that we’re not spending money! Instead, we’re having fun because we enjoy spending time with each other - not because we’re at a fancy restaurant or at an expensive concert!

Here is a list of some cheap date ideas. Most of these dates cost little or no money at all. Whether you have been dating for 5 days or 5 years, these can be applied at any point in your relationship!

1. Go on a picnic  - That’s right - a traditional hit with couples far and wide. I’ll admit, I’m not a huge fan of being outside while eating (I’d much rather eat at a restaurant or in the comfort of my own home), but I love going on picnics with my fiance. If you already have a picnic basket, all you need to do is find stuff around your house to fill it with. If you don’t have a picnic basket, get creative! Use something that is unique such as a cooler or even a cardboard box! Total Cost - Less than $10.
2. Go walk around a park - I can almost guarantee that no matter where you live, there are great parks to walk around in. Most parks have walking trails where you can spend hours with that special someone while still enjoying God’s Creation! Total Cost - Usually Free
3. Go to your mall’s food court - If I’m ever on a website with a list, I usually scroll down and see if anything  in bold print pops out at me. If I was to apply that concept on this post, this would definitely be the one that catches my attention. I know you’re thinking that simply going to the mall just for the food court sounds bizarre, but this has honestly become one of my favorite things that my fiance and I do. We love doing this so much that we typically go once every two weeks! The great thing about a food court is that there are a ton of options to choose from so you are not constrained to a single type of food if the two of you are very different (this is the case in my relationship). If you’ve never tried this I highly suggest this if you want to go out and try something unique. Total Cost - Around $10.
4. Go and volunteer somewhere - One of the greatest things you can do with your boyfriend/girlfriend is to serve. I have been on mission trips with my fiance and have loved the time that we got to spend serving people other than ourselves. If you can’t go on a mission trip, consider volunteering at a food bank. After you volunteer make sure you talk through your experience! Total Cost - Usually Free
5. Watch a movie that both of you have already seen - I am a HUGE fan of funny movies. I laugh extremely hard at them. I’ve actually been told by a number of people that sometimes it’s better to watch me than the movie itself. The benefit of watching a movie that you have already seen is that you can comment through the entire movie and not have to worry about ruining the end for the other person. If you want to throw a twist into this one (and have a ton of time), watch all the movies of a particular series (for example, all three of the Indiana Jones movies or all six of the Star Wars movies). Total Cost - Usually Free (around $5 if you rent it).
6. Go to an open field and watch the clouds - Clearly this works best on a sunny day where there isn’t rain pouring down all around the two of you. My fiance and I like to call this concept the “cloud game.” The way it works is that you look up to the sky and point out shapes that you think the cloud looks like. Don’t limit yourselves to shapes! You can point out animals, activities or even people - just use your imagination! Total Cost - Free
7. Put together a puzzle - A great way to see how much patience you have with your boyfriend/girlfriend is to complete a puzzle together. You’ll be amazed at how long it actually takes to put together 500 pieces that all look the same. Since it is somewhat of a mindless activity, you can have great conversations about a variety of topics! Total Cost - About $10
8. Go for a drive - Yes, I realize that gas prices are sky high right now, but if the two of you ever get the chance, take a drive to a place you rarely go. You can go and look at Christmas lights (obviously this one would be tough to do in June), see the leaves change on trees, explore a new town or even just admire God’s Creation in the countryside. Total Cost - Less than $10 for gas
9. Go to a museum - Going to a museum gives the two of you a great chance to talk about a certain topic. There are art museums, history museums, science museums and even medical museums. Do some reseach and find one that interests the two of you! Total Cost - Less than $20 (Some are open free to the public)
10. Watch a sunset or sunrise - You want a great opportunity to do a devotional on a date? Well it doesn’t get much better than witnessing what God can do! Do your reseach about when the sun will set (or rise) and be sure to get there an hour before it actually happens so you can see the whole process. If you have a lot of time, you can always look at the stars after you watch a sunset - that also is amazing to look at! Total Cost - Free

I hope that you found these ideas to be insightful and helpful. As always, if you have any stories or suggestions, leave a comment and I’ll be happy to address it in a future post if it’s appropriate. Remeber to keep God at the center of your relationship!

Practical Ways To Keep God In The Center

Now that you are in a relationship, keeping God in the center can seem like a daunting task. You may have really busy schedules, different viewpoints on topics or some other problem that can make you shy away from keeping God a constant topic between the two of you. I’ve put together a list of ways that you can share with your boyfriend/girlfriend that will help you in a Godly relationship. I am in no way claiming that the suggestions below are the only thing you need to do, but it is a great start!

Pray Together on a Regular Basis - The key word in this statement is “regular.” I’ve found that if you find a time where the two of you can meet, you need to designate that time “prayer time.” Is it easy to find time when the two of you are free during that point everytime you meet? Definitely not - but if there is a conflict, try your best to prayer either later that day - don’t just skip it!

At first, praying with your boyfriend/girlfriend may seem a little awkward. I’ll be first to admit that! I remember when my fiance and I started praying together we both were surprised at the different styles in which we talked to God. I’ll say this now so you don’t get discouraged  - THAT’S OK! Just because they don’t pray exactly like you do, it doesn’t mean that their praying style is “wrong” or “God isn’t listening” (the second one is just plain crazy). As a story, I remember one time my fiance and I met to pray near a soccer field (this was in college). I had a lot of stuff I needed to do and so I “skimmed” through my prayer hoping that she would do the same so that I could get back to work (looking back on it that was a really bad outlook and don’t recommend it - you ALWAYS have time to talk to God!). Well, she thought that we should try something called “popcorn prayers.” The way popcorn prayers work is that instead of one person praying followed by the other person’s prayer, you pray for just one thing instead of everything. Once you pray for something, the other person takes a turn and prays for one thing. You do this until you can’t think of anything more. Well - she just kept going and going and going - I was getting frustrated and just wanted to be done so I claimed that I couldn’t think of anything more (even though I could). This was still in the early stages of dating, so I was skeptical of the ways she prayed and the fact that I had a lot of work to do didn’t help my willingness to try something new. Looking back on that night, I loved how she prayed and the innocence she shows when talking to God.

Over time you’ll come to appreciate the way your boyfriend/girlfriend prays and may even share stories of how prayer has impacted your life. My fiance and I have been praying together for awhile and both love doing it because not only does it bring us closer to God, it brings the two of us together as a couple!

Listen To Each Other - I’ll be the first one to admit I’m an extrovert. I’m extremely outgoing and love interacting with people. As a general rule, there is rarely silence in any of the conversations I’m a part in. My fiance is the exact opposite (I find this difference a lot in successful couples - it’s a great way to balance each other out). I remember when we first started dating we would go on walks and occasionally there would be a lull in the conversation. As I raced through my mind of anything to talk about, I remember asking her if the “awkward silence” bothered her. She said (1) it’s not awkward and (2) that she likes to reflect on what was just said. As a disclaimer, if you would meet me today I still don’t like silences…

I’m finding that listening to each other is a HUGE part of a successful relationship. You can talk all day long, but if you don’t know what’s going on in your boyfriend/girlfriend’s life, how are you going to help them? Are you going to be able to solve all their problems? No, and that’s frustrating (trust me - I know how frustrating that can be) but you can at least be willing to listen to the other person

Don’t think that you only have to listen to their problems to be an effective listener. My fiance claims I am an excellent listener, but I have my doubts. I can barely let her tell me her day without interrupting her about something! Just being there when your boyfriend/girlfriend wants to talk means so much!

Challenge Each Other - One of the great ways you can challenge as a Christian is to ask them about Biblical topics. These can be verses, passages or even themes found in the Bible. If you are doing devotionals (which I highly suggest) and come across a verse that you think is tough to interpret, ask your boyfriend/girlfriend! See what they think of that verse or passage. You’ll be amazed at the depth of conversations that can form as a result of talking about the Bible. My fiance and I have had numerous conversations dealing with topics ranging anywhere from the role of the husband to why God did certain things throughout the Bible.

Don’t think that challenging each other is limited to topics in the Bible. Apply them to your daily life! If you know that your boyfriend/girlfriend is struggling with a sin (or even the two of you together), challenge them to fix it. My fiance has to regularly challenge (or remind) me to tithe every Sunday. I am not sure why I struggle with this since God has entrusted me with the money He has blessed me with and in Malachi 3:6-17 talks about robbing God by not tithing. As a way to encourage me to tithe, every time I receive a paycheck my fiance reminds me to tithe and to give joyously (which I also think is a huge part of giving!).

Bottom line, challenging each other is a great way to focus on certain aspects and to make yourself a better disciple of Jesus Christ.

Do A Devotional Together - I had talked about this in a previous post about how important this can be. Doing devotionals together is a great way to grow closer and to know more about the other person especially if you are planning to marry them. I once dated a girl that was in a different denomination than me and was in awe at the differences between the two of us!! Even though we got along well socially, the fact that we couldn’t agree on Biblical teachings ultimately ended our relationship - yes, it’s that huge!

You should decide when to do devotionals between the two of you. My fiance and I tend to do them the same time we pray together and that seems to work well. We usually get great conversations in about God and then get to come to Him in prayer together.

As far as deciding which devotional to use, there are many different options out there (I’m sure that you’re aware of this if you’ve ever tried to look for one!). My fiance and I tend to do a variety of devotionals. We have done devotionals where you read a Bible passage and then read what someone  has to say about it, we have done devotionals where you read a passage and then a number of questions are presented and we have even done devotionals where we simply read a book about Christian dating. All three options are great and can strengthen your relationship with each other and more importantly with Christ!

Rely On Older Christians Who Can Help You - This may seem like a no-brainer, but I’ve seen time and time again couples who think they know everything about dating and eventually break up because it becomes too overwhelming. This is an important asset to have - especially when just starting to date. Things may come up where neither one of you are sure of what to do - this is where it’s very helpful to have an older Christian (especially one who is in a serious relationship - preferrably marriage) to ask for advice!

My fiance and I have found this idea particularly helpful. When we started dating, we asked our happily married parents for insight and advice about how to handle certain situations. You may think that the two of you can do it all by yourself, but it’s extremely helpful to have an older Christian available if you can’t!

I hope that you found these tips useful and insightful. If you have any other tips or comments please email me at livinforhim316@gmail.com and I’ll be glad to write a post about it. God Bless!

10 Great Gift Ideas

I know the feeling - you want to do something great for your boyfriend/girlfriend but have no idea what to do or get for them. I’ve been to many websites before looking for ideas, but always am disappointed. I’ve listed a number of ideas that I have personally tried and have heard of. Clearly this is a brief list and I’ll be sure to add more in the future. They all work great and of course you can put your own special twist on them that makes them personal to your relationship.

1. Write a poem about anything in your relationship - from how you started dating to what is important to the two of you
2. Make something out of origami - I made my fiance a basket of “flowers” out of many sheets of paper. You can find instructions to do this here.
3. Make a collage out of pictures - this takes time but it’s something great to look at!
4. Write a fictional story about the two of you. It can be something as bizarre as taking a “magical adventure”
5. Make personalized cards using Microsoft Publisher or even Microsoft Word. I usually like to add a cartoon to the very front to make it more fun.
6. Send personalized e-cards at random times. These work best if there is no reason to do it - just send them anytime! You can find many sites to do these, but I’ve had the most success at Hallmark.
7. Go buy a picnic basket, and fill it with meaningful items for both of you. These items can be movies you’ve always wanted to watch together to pictures you found. After you’ve gone through the items together, go on a picnic using your new basket!!
8. Surprise them with tickets to some event. Depending on the nature of your relationship, this could be anything from tickets to a huge concert to tickets to your county fair!
9. Buy board games that the two of you can play together.
10. I know you’re waiting for it - buy flowers and/or candy. When looking for flowers, you can usually go to your local grocery store and buy a dozen roses for around $10. They don’t always last as long as the one from the florist, but they still leave a lasting impression! Figure out your boyfriend/girlfriend’s favorite candy and buy a ton of it - put it in something unique (I’ve seen people put candy in vases) and surprise them with it.

Let me know if you have any other ideas that work and I’ll be glad to put them on here!

God Bless! 

Getting Off To A Great Start

Now that you are officially dating and have decided to keep God at the center of all you do, you need to foster your new relationship. I’ve seen relationships rise and fall all within a few hours. I’ve also seen relationships thrive for years. Hopefully you have a great foundation as friends and are thrilled to start the next phase of your relationship!

One of the first things I encourage you and your boyfriend/girlfriend to do first is to figure out a way to do “little things.” By little things, I mean things such as small notes, going for walks around town or even hitting up a food court. To this day, I love when my fiance does the “little things to support me. It’s amazing how much your day improves when you receive something from your “special someone.” During the first few weeks you definitely don’t need to drop $100 every night to make sure that the relationship will succeed (I don’t think I’ve ever spent $100 with my fiance in one night before and probably never will). Guys have this perception sometimes that if they throw enough money at a girl she will stick around. Guys - in Christian relationships it doesn’t matter how “loaded” you are when it comes to money. Your girlfriend should enjoy spending time with you no matter what you are doing. She should love spending time with you because of your character and personality! Girls - help the guys out by making suggestions as to what you think you two should do - trust me - guys will love this! At first they may think that they are “macho” and don’t want you to give suggestions because they feel they can do it all by themselves, but eventually they will love your suggestions (they better!).

I encourage you to start putting everything you’ve given each other into something like a shoebox. Even though marriage may not be in the near future, you’ll cherish these “little things” you give each other in a few years. My fiance and I recently went through each of our shoeboxes and loved every item in there. She went one step further in her shoebox (I suggest this) - she actually saved all the ticket stubs from the concerts and movies we attended (she even had the receipt from our 1-year anniversary dinner!). In a few years, you’ll cherish these things - you’ll be so surprised at how much more intimate your relationship is now!

As far as the spiritual matters are concerned, God should definitely come first when it comes to your relationship. I highly suggest doing a devotional together, although make sure you look through it before purchasing it! When we first started dating, my fiance and I bought a devotional thinking that it’d be great, but it was actually for couples who are about to get married - that made for an awkward conversation at that point in our relationship! Depending on what denomination you are, there are great resources out there for you. Come back soon and I’ll post my suggestions for couple devotionals!

Keeping God at the Center

After asking my fiance to date me, we found ourselves sitting on a bench overlooking the night skyline of Pittsburgh. It was probably about 10 degrees outside, but that didn’t seem to phase us as we were talking alongside a river. We had been great friends before that night, so it was easy to talk for a long time. One of the topics that came up was how to glorify God through our relationship.

Now I had been in a few relationships before this point and thought I knew it all when it came to incorporating God into dating. I figured you just made sure you prayed before meals, didn’t do anything stupid and hope for the best (looking back on it that was a really dumb outlook). Even though I thought I had it “figured out” she introduced a concept to me that I will never forget.

The concept involved keeping God at the center. You may thinking to yourself “Chris, what center are you talking about?!” The center I’m talking about is between you and your boyfriend/girlfriend. As a youth director, I am constantly giving advice on dating and use illustrations to get points across. Here’s one that perfectly illustrates what I’m talking about.

Imagine that you are looking from a birds-eye view at a triangle. There are three people at each of the three points - you, your boyfriend/girlfriend and God. It doesn’t make a difference as to who is where, just think of those three people at each of the points. Now I want you to imagine that you and your boyfriend/girlfriend try to get closer and closer but are forgetting about God. This may sound like a great idea (since the distance between the two of you gets shorter), but in reality you’re pushing yourself away from God. The reason that your pushing yourself away from God is that if you were to go from the point God is to where you are, instead of going down a straight line, you now have to go the straight line and then turn the corner and meet you half-way down the line separating you and your boyfriend/girlfriend. So even though the distance between your relationship with your boyfriend/girlfriend is much shorter, the distance between you and God increases substantially!

In continuing with this illustration, a good Christian couple puts God at the center. Keep the image of the triangle in your head except this time, imagine the boy and the girl getting closer to the point with God at it. With God in the center and the boy and girl getting closer to Him, they (the boy and girl) are also getting closer in the process, which is what every Christian couple should strive for.

Am I saying that my fiance and I have kept God together for the entire time during our relationship? Sadly I must say “no.” We try to look to God in everything, but sometimes we (especially me) feel we can do it ourselves. Fortunately, Jesus came to die on a cross for our sins and promises eternal life. If you have not accepted Christ as your personal savior, think about your life and how you can make it better - I guarantee that looking to Christ will give you a peace like you’ve never had. If you have any questions regarding a personal relationship with Christ, I have included links on the home page (on the right sidebar) that can help you through the process. I pray that everyone reading this post has a serious relationship with Christ and not one that is simply forgotten once church lets out Sunday morning.

Finally, The First Date Has Arrived

After you’ve completed your preparation for your first date, it’s time for the fun to begin. This is the time where everyone is nervous and chances are it’s pretty obvious. I know that in my experiences I have been extremely nervous when it comes down to actually going on the date - not preparing for it.

Guys, after you pick up the girl whether with a parent, in your car or on your bike (I don’t recommend taking a girl around on a bicycle) it’s always nice to just take a few deep breaths. Some guys really like giving flowers or chocolate or other “romantic things.” While these are great and all, it can make things really akward if the girl isn’t expecting for your time together to be considered a “date.” She may just think that the two of you are simply going out for coffee and not starting what you hope to be the best relationship of your life. Granted, if the girl agrees to go out one-on-one, chances are it’s a good bet she’ll think it’s a date. Bottom line, use your judgment as to whether to bust out with one of these little “extras” - it’s all about the girl.

My first date with my fiance was amazing. We went to dinner and then had a blast ice skating. Am I saying that you have to bust out with ice skating or any other elaborate schedule on your first date? Not at all - ice skating could be really hard if you’re living in Florida! What I am saying is that if you want to make it a memorable night, just be yourself! You don’t need to drop $100, $50 or anything at all! (I know guys are rejoicing after reading that you don’t have to spend anything at all on the first date).

As far as the rest of this post is concerned, how the first date goes is totally up to the couple. I know of couples whose first date was just a walk around town and that’s how they wanted it. I also know of couples (like myself) who have driven an hour to dinner and other activities for the first date. Once again, it’s totally based on the couple.

I’ve been asked by many people if a “goodnight kiss” is appropriate on the first date. As far as I’m concerned, a kiss on the first date is a little much and should be saved for later in your relationship. Clearly, there will be some of you who disagree with me and that’s OK. Some of you may have never kissed anyone and want to have your first kiss with someone who you want to marry and that’s also OK! I’ve found that people view kissing very differently across the Christian faith. No matter what end of the spectrum you fall under, just keep in mind that you only have one “first kiss” - think about where and who you want to use it with! If you’ve already had your first kiss and are on to a different person, I would still advise you to hold off on kissing the first date. I feel that a first kiss with that “special someone” should be viewed as something that means a lot - not just a way to “cap off a night.”

I’m hoping to put up post about “First Date Success Stories” as well as “First Date Horror Stories.” I’ve heard storites about both. They both really make me consider what actually influenced how the date went. If you’re willing to share in either of these topics, send me an email at livinforhim316@gmail.com and I’ll be glad to put it on the blog.

Until next time, remember to put God in the middle of all your dating endeavors.

Preparation for The First Date

As promised from the last post, I’m going to discuss the first date. I’ve heard great stories, I’ve heard terrible stories, I’ve heard stories in between - bottom line - it ends with a “yes” or “no.” Granted, you may get a “I’m not sure, let me think about it” or “I need more time” or any other reason not to start dating, but 98% (don’t ask me why it’s 98%, it just sounded like a good number) of the time you’ll get one of two answers.

Well after taking the time to pray and think about it, if you still believe that you should ask the guy/girl out, go for it. Here’s a few pointers:

• The Preparation for GUYS - My preparation for dates has ranged anywhere from putting my pants on to making sure that every hair on my head was pointing in the direction I wanted it to (the dates where I was just worried about clothes in general didn’t really go that hot). Preparation for that first date can be nerve racking - for both guys and girls. As a very traditional guy when it comes to dates, I feel that making sure the girl has a great time can be stressful. You have to figure out what you plan on doing with the girl - do you want to go to Dairy Queen or take her out on a “mystical night full of surprises”? I personally took the second route with my fiance, although I have taken the first path as well. If your going with the laid back approach, it’s a great time to not worry and just have a blast. If your going with the super-preparation, high stress approach (which most girls find endearing), make sure you plan ahead! One of the best things I did on my first date was to hide a rose in a bush at a park the afternoon before the start of our date. When we came back to the town we go to college at, I asked her to go on a walk with me where (you guessed it) I showed her the rose.

Prepartion can go a long way when considering what the objectives of your first date experience will be! Do you want to go to Dairy Queen or take her out on a Mystical Night of Surprises? It all depends of the situation!

• Preparation for GIRLS - As a guy, I’m clearly not going to understand what goes on in a girl’s head the hours before (and even on) the first date. For the longest time I always thought the girl had the easiest job in the world when it comes to dating. I always assumed it was:

(1) Take about 5 hours to get ready for a 3 hour date.

(2) Chill out for awhile until the guy gets enough courage to actually ask you out.

(3) After the guy sweats it out, say a one word answer.

(4) Go home and go to bed.

• Oh man - was I wrong! My fiance told me that while it did take her a long time to get ready for the first date, the rest was not as stereotypical. She said that it was nerve-racking months before the first date simply because “I wasn’t making a move” (girls, perhaps you can relate to this feeling of guys not getting the hint when it comes to dating).

• Clearly I don’t know what goes into a girls “make-up routine” and frankly it doesn’t make a difference to me. If the guy truly wants to date you, he’ll date you for what’s in his heart which is exactly why you should be dating him. Before you figure out if you are going to date this guy, remember this saying:

A woman’s heart should be so hidden in Christ that a man must be seeking the Lord to find it.

I pray that God may give you wisdom in discerning His will. It is easy? No, but we can always ask for wisdom and He will grant it (James 1:5). And remember - keep God as the focus of your relationship.

Being “Friends”

Here’s the tough part. You’ve made sure that you made Christ the main focus of your first impression, the next part is becoming friends.

 I’m a firm believer that being friends first is a crucial point in a lasting relationship. As a youth leader, I see relationships rise and fall all in a span of about 3 days (I’ve actually seen ones that go about 3 hours). And why is this? Because they don’t know each other well enough!! People tend to think - “Dang, that girl is the girl I’m going to marry” within 10 minutes of meeting them. Perhaps you know (or experienced) someone who is like that - think of how their dating past has gone overall. Am I saying that it is a must to become friends before dating? Not at all - however, in the long run it’s a very valuable thing to have.

During this time of getting to know one another, it’s a great opportunity to get a feel of what a relationship with this person would be like. Think about how you can carry on a conversation - is it easy? Do you feel like you’re pulling teeth to get any sort of response? One of the things I love most about my relationship with my fiance is that we can talk for hours and hours without making a huge effort to bring up topics. At times we don’t even realize how long we talk for - sometimes we talk until 2 am!

At this point in the post, I want to make clear that the “friends” stage does not end once you start dating. I simply mean the stage before you make you and that special someone “official.” My fiance and I consider each other to be best friends even though we’ve been dating for a long time.

So - why am I advocating being friends before you start dating someone? The great thing about being friends first is that you can see how they react to certain situations and their overall lifestyle. My fiance and I are extremely different in terms of hobbies, personality and desires, although we love the fact that we can still love each other dearly. We were friends for over a year before we actually started dating, and now look back on it and see how valuable of a time that was.

Don’t get me wrong, you’re not going to figure out everything about that special someone before you start dating them (boy, was I in for a few surprises once I started dating). There are going to be things that are too personal to tell friends and have to wait until you start dating - and that’s ok! Dating should be more personal!

I’m not going to suggest a time that you should be friends before dating because I feel that that is strictly a case-by-case issue. In the next post I’ll talk about the big step of actually asking that special person on a date.