Don’t Ditch Your Friends!

You’re really excited about your new relationship and can’t wait to spend every minute with that special someone - and that’s great! You should want to spend a lot of time with them - otherwise, it’d be a crazy reason to even start dating! I’ve seen relationships that seem to be successful, but in reality they are desperately missing something that is crucial in all relationships -friends.

You’d be shocked to see the impact that your friends can have on you. In my personal relationship, my fiance and I make sure that we always spend a lot of time with our friends. To illustrate this point, the two of us did not have a single meal alone for an entire week once we got back to college. That’s right - a week! Why is this? Because we value our relationships with all of our friends and love spending time with them. Don’t get me wrong, we still find times to be alone to simply be together, but the majority of the time (probably around 85%) we are together we spend with our friends.

Perhaps you’ve seen couples that have great friends before they start dating and then apparently only have each other to talk to six months into their relationship. They feel that they have to put all their time and energy into their relationship and thus don’t have time for friends. If you believe that spending all your time with your boyfriend/girlfriend is a great idea, ask yourself what will  happen if the two of you break up? Will you have no friends and have to start all over in the social world?

I cannot stress the importance of friends in relationships. A great purpose that your friends have is that they can give you a “reality check.” As a youth director, kids constantly come running up to me telling me that they have started a new relationship. Usually the next sentence that comes out of their mouth is that “we think we are going to get married.” Are you kidding me?! Married?! You have been dating for a whopping 7 minutes at this point! Chances are that if a kid believes that the two of them are going to get married they have unrealistic expectations and typically are disappointed in a few months when they break up. In most of these situations (there are exceptions - I have friends who started dating in high school and are now happily married), it’s great to have friends in your life to ensure that the two of you stay realistic.  

In terms of Christian dating, friends are a GREAT way to keep the two of you accountable. If you are a guy, try and get another guy in a Christian relationship and keep each other accountable. The same goes for a girl - get a girl who you feel comfortable talking to. Join Bible studies with other couples and then talk about what you thought of the discussion after the meeting.

Along with keeping you and your boyfriend/girlfriend accountable, having friends around can decrease sexual temptation immensely. If you are constantly around friends, it will be much harder to commit sexual sin as a general rule. Satan has a way to throw temptation at you when you least expect it so make sure that you have friends around you! 

Another great reason for your friends to be close to you is so you can retain your intersts outside of your relationship. I have a huge interest in the area of finance while my fiance does not care much for financial concepts such as opportunity cost and P/E ratios. Before we started dating, I had a great set of friends that also had a strong interest in the study of finance. I am in a great situation currently that allows friends and I to meet twice a week for lunch to talk about the “business world” and other topics regarding finance.  Likewise, my fiance meets with her friends to discuss whatever it is women find to talk about for hours on end.

Finally, make sure you don’t “ditch your friends” when you start dating simply because your relationship will be more fun. My fiance and I LOVE playing board games with our friends and typically end up crying because we are laughing so hard! You can always invite your friends to go to dinner with you or even just to come over and watch a movie!

Bottom line - don’t ditch your friends! You’ll be glad you didn’t when you want to do something that your boyfriend/girlfriend has no interest in or just want a group of friends to spend time with!

Don’t Ditch Your Friends!

You’re really excited about your new relationship and can’t wait to spend every minute with that special someone - and that’s great! You should want to spend a lot of time with them - otherwise, it’d be a crazy reason to even start dating! I’ve seen relationships that seem to be successful, but in reality they are desperately missing something that is crucial in all relationships -friends.

You’d be shocked to see the impact that your friends can have on you. In my personal relationship, my fiance and I make sure that we always spend a lot of time with our friends. To illustrate this point, the two of us did not have a single meal alone for an entire week once we got back to college. That’s right - a week! Why is this? Because we value our relationships with all of our friends and love spending time with them. Don’t get me wrong, we still find times to be alone to simply be together, but the majority of the time (probably around 85%) we are together we spend with our friends.

Perhaps you’ve seen couples that have great friends before they start dating and then apparently only have each other to talk to six months into their relationship. They feel that they have to put all their time and energy into their relationship and thus don’t have time for friends. If you believe that spending all your time with your boyfriend/girlfriend is a great idea, ask yourself what will  happen if the two of you break up? Will you have no friends and have to start all over in the social world?

I cannot stress the importance of friends in relationships. A great purpose that your friends have is that they can give you a “reality check.” As a youth director, kids constantly come running up to me telling me that they have started a new relationship. Usually the next sentence that comes out of their mouth is that “we think we are going to get married.” Are you kidding me?! Married?! You have been dating for a whopping 7 minutes at this point! Chances are that if a kid believes that the two of them are going to get married they have unrealistic expectations and typically are disappointed in a few months when they break up. In most of these situations (there are exceptions - I have friends who started dating in high school and are now happily married), it’s great to have friends in your life to ensure that the two of you stay realistic.  

In terms of Christian dating, friends are a GREAT way to keep the two of you accountable. If you are a guy, try and get another guy in a Christian relationship and keep each other accountable. The same goes for a girl - get a girl who you feel comfortable talking to. Join Bible studies with other couples and then talk about what you thought of the discussion after the meeting.

Along with keeping you and your boyfriend/girlfriend accountable, having friends around can decrease sexual temptation immensely. If you are constantly around friends, it will be much harder to commit sexual sin as a general rule. Satan has a way to throw temptation at you when you least expect it so make sure that you have friends around you! 

Another great reason for your friends to be close to you is so you can retain your intersts outside of your relationship. I have a huge interest in the area of finance while my fiance does not care much for financial concepts such as opportunity cost and P/E ratios. Before we started dating, I had a great set of friends that also had a strong interest in the study of finance. I am in a great situation currently that allows friends and I to meet twice a week for lunch to talk about the “business world” and other topics regarding finance.  Likewise, my fiance meets with her friends to discuss whatever it is women find to talk about for hours on end.

Finally, make sure you don’t “ditch your friends” when you start dating simply because your relationship will be more fun. My fiance and I LOVE playing board games with our friends and typically end up crying because we are laughing so hard! You can always invite your friends to go to dinner with you or even just to come over and watch a movie!

Bottom line - don’t ditch your friends! You’ll be glad you didn’t when you want to do something that your boyfriend/girlfriend has no interest in or just want a group of friends to spend time with!

Getting Off To A Great Start

Now that you are officially dating and have decided to keep God at the center of all you do, you need to foster your new relationship. I’ve seen relationships rise and fall all within a few hours. I’ve also seen relationships thrive for years. Hopefully you have a great foundation as friends and are thrilled to start the next phase of your relationship!

One of the first things I encourage you and your boyfriend/girlfriend to do first is to figure out a way to do “little things.” By little things, I mean things such as small notes, going for walks around town or even hitting up a food court. To this day, I love when my fiance does the “little things to support me. It’s amazing how much your day improves when you receive something from your “special someone.” During the first few weeks you definitely don’t need to drop $100 every night to make sure that the relationship will succeed (I don’t think I’ve ever spent $100 with my fiance in one night before and probably never will). Guys have this perception sometimes that if they throw enough money at a girl she will stick around. Guys - in Christian relationships it doesn’t matter how “loaded” you are when it comes to money. Your girlfriend should enjoy spending time with you no matter what you are doing. She should love spending time with you because of your character and personality! Girls - help the guys out by making suggestions as to what you think you two should do - trust me - guys will love this! At first they may think that they are “macho” and don’t want you to give suggestions because they feel they can do it all by themselves, but eventually they will love your suggestions (they better!).

I encourage you to start putting everything you’ve given each other into something like a shoebox. Even though marriage may not be in the near future, you’ll cherish these “little things” you give each other in a few years. My fiance and I recently went through each of our shoeboxes and loved every item in there. She went one step further in her shoebox (I suggest this) - she actually saved all the ticket stubs from the concerts and movies we attended (she even had the receipt from our 1-year anniversary dinner!). In a few years, you’ll cherish these things - you’ll be so surprised at how much more intimate your relationship is now!

As far as the spiritual matters are concerned, God should definitely come first when it comes to your relationship. I highly suggest doing a devotional together, although make sure you look through it before purchasing it! When we first started dating, my fiance and I bought a devotional thinking that it’d be great, but it was actually for couples who are about to get married - that made for an awkward conversation at that point in our relationship! Depending on what denomination you are, there are great resources out there for you. Come back soon and I’ll post my suggestions for couple devotionals!

Finally, The First Date Has Arrived

After you’ve completed your preparation for your first date, it’s time for the fun to begin. This is the time where everyone is nervous and chances are it’s pretty obvious. I know that in my experiences I have been extremely nervous when it comes down to actually going on the date - not preparing for it.

Guys, after you pick up the girl whether with a parent, in your car or on your bike (I don’t recommend taking a girl around on a bicycle) it’s always nice to just take a few deep breaths. Some guys really like giving flowers or chocolate or other “romantic things.” While these are great and all, it can make things really akward if the girl isn’t expecting for your time together to be considered a “date.” She may just think that the two of you are simply going out for coffee and not starting what you hope to be the best relationship of your life. Granted, if the girl agrees to go out one-on-one, chances are it’s a good bet she’ll think it’s a date. Bottom line, use your judgment as to whether to bust out with one of these little “extras” - it’s all about the girl.

My first date with my fiance was amazing. We went to dinner and then had a blast ice skating. Am I saying that you have to bust out with ice skating or any other elaborate schedule on your first date? Not at all - ice skating could be really hard if you’re living in Florida! What I am saying is that if you want to make it a memorable night, just be yourself! You don’t need to drop $100, $50 or anything at all! (I know guys are rejoicing after reading that you don’t have to spend anything at all on the first date).

As far as the rest of this post is concerned, how the first date goes is totally up to the couple. I know of couples whose first date was just a walk around town and that’s how they wanted it. I also know of couples (like myself) who have driven an hour to dinner and other activities for the first date. Once again, it’s totally based on the couple.

I’ve been asked by many people if a “goodnight kiss” is appropriate on the first date. As far as I’m concerned, a kiss on the first date is a little much and should be saved for later in your relationship. Clearly, there will be some of you who disagree with me and that’s OK. Some of you may have never kissed anyone and want to have your first kiss with someone who you want to marry and that’s also OK! I’ve found that people view kissing very differently across the Christian faith. No matter what end of the spectrum you fall under, just keep in mind that you only have one “first kiss” - think about where and who you want to use it with! If you’ve already had your first kiss and are on to a different person, I would still advise you to hold off on kissing the first date. I feel that a first kiss with that “special someone” should be viewed as something that means a lot - not just a way to “cap off a night.”

I’m hoping to put up post about “First Date Success Stories” as well as “First Date Horror Stories.” I’ve heard storites about both. They both really make me consider what actually influenced how the date went. If you’re willing to share in either of these topics, send me an email at livinforhim316@gmail.com and I’ll be glad to put it on the blog.

Until next time, remember to put God in the middle of all your dating endeavors.